Funeral Service for Judith Allen
3 September 1939 - 29 June 2022
Oxford Crematorium 16 August 2022
Entrance Music Tallis: Spem in Alium performed by The King's Singers
Welcome and opening words Celebrant Sara Hallam Hymn Saviour Again To Thy Dear Name We Raise sung by Congregation Choir
Reading Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep by Mary Frye (Daniel, Katie and Lucy)
Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glint on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you wake in the morning hush, I am the swift, uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circling flight. I am the soft starlight at night. Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep. (Do not stand at my grave and cry. I am not there, I did not die!)
Tribute (Martin and Hilary) We knew Judith for most of our lives, as children she even stayed in a very small caravan in our garden for a short while when she was moving between homes. A visit from her was always a happy occasion as she always seemed interested in us and what we were doing. A visit to her house in Observatory Street was a quite exciting experience, she really made an effort to make us welcome and to cook a nice meal. Her hostess trolley seemed the height of sophistication to us, but this was the 1970’s.
Judith was a remarkable woman with her academic achievements and choice of what must have been a rewarding but challenging career as a palliative care nurse at Sobell House and later going on to going on to lecture in care of the terminally ill across the UK and also internationally.
When we lost our mother, our Dad was lucky to find a partner in Judith and they married in 1989 at the old Radcliffe chapel. They both made the most of their retirement together and had many happy years making a home and nurturing the garden at Westbury Crescent where Judith specialised in flowers and shrubs and dad in the vegetable garden. They travelled widely in the uk, visiting friends and family and stately homes and gardens, going on cruises around the mediterranean and scandinavia and playing bridge at the North Oxford bridge club where they made good friends. They both used to help out and contribute to voluntary organisations including the Community Talking Shop at Sandford Village Hall. Judith also liked to read and was interested in music, theatre and keeping abreast of the news and current affairs.
Judith was a strong and independent woman who did remarkably well to continue to live at Westbury Crescent on her own throughout the covid lockdowns despite some mobility problems. She was intelligent, adaptable and determined enough to manage to do her shopping online and keep in touch with many close friends via emails and texts, although in typical Judith fashion once she made up her mind that she didn’t want to go as far as getting involved with video calls, no amount of gentle persuasion and offers to buy and set up a tablet could entice her onto zoom calls.
Apart from her family and friends and the many interests Hilary has listed, the other great love of Judith's life was her cats. She had cats before she married dad and more cats throughout her married life. There were many cat ornaments and cards in her house, often bought by friends who knew they couldn't go wrong with them as a gift. Her and dad’s last cat was Mungo, who never really seemed to like anyone except Judith and dad and would usually leave the room or often the house as soon as I arrived but would always return to sit on Judith's lap in the evenings and annoy her by scratching the furniture. Happily Mungo has found a good and loving home with Lucy and Christian and after what must have been a traumatic move for her, now seems to have the same affection for both of them.
The interest that Hilary and myself saw Judith take in us 50 years ago continued with other people throughout her life. A visit to Judith or a phone call with her always involved long conversations about the three, now young adults, that she was proud to call her grandchildren, about her friends and their families and lately also her carers and their families who she always made an effort to get to know. I’m sure for them a visit to Westbury Crescent must have been the easiest and nicest visit of their week as they often seemed to involve as much time drinking tea and chatting, as doing physical work. I had never met quite a few of the people she would talk to me about but her genuine interest in them shone through.
Eulogy (Celebrant)
Judith Gordon Allen was born in Headington, Oxford, on 3 September, 1939, only child to Gwen and Fred. They were a close knit family. Her grandmother on Gwen’s side, known as Granny Gordon to Judith, lived in Oxford and Judith was very close to her. There were 2 uncles, Ronald and Douglas, and 5 cousins on the Gordon side of the family; John, Eleanor and Susan, Ronald’s children, and Douglas was the father of Sally and Shirley. Judith’s mother was a teacher and so a good education meant a lot in the family. She attended Oxford High School for Girls. She was naturally quite shy, but a clever and conscientious girl who always worked hard at school. In school holidays she would often stay with her mum’s sister, Auntie Dorothy. Judith’s clothes were always immaculate and pristine as her mother was particular about maintaining a smart appearance. During her stays with Auntie Dorothy she would give Judith spare, casual clothing to change into, so that she could get dirty with her slightly more wayward cousins and all of their pets! Judith was close in age to her cousin, Jane, but she became closer to her younger sister, Mary. Her close relationship with Mary endured throughout the years. After she left school she did teacher training in Manchester. She then decided to follow this up with a degree in Botany at Bristol University, which is where she befriended her lifelong chum, Anne Foley. Judith went on to complete a doctorate at Bristol. She worked for Oxfam for a period and as we have heard, later retrained as a Nurse. She worked on the wards for at least 7 years and this included Sobell House Hospice, in Oxford; a challenging and rewarding environment in equal measure. Working in palliative care takes a special kind of individual which Judith was. In her later years, she moved on to deliver lectures and talks about end of life care. She did this in a self employed capacity and it was a subject very close to her heart. Having a good quality of life, with minimal pain and suffering, meant a great deal to her. Sarah recalls her and her mum staying with Judy (as she was known to them) in Observatory St, for a few days each year, when they were in the country. She loved Oxford and the Cotswolds and it gave her pride to take her family guests on day trips to see the sights such as Broadway, Bourton-on-the-water, Blenheim, Woodstock and the city of Oxford itself. She even treated them to a grand High Tea at the Randolph Hotel on one occasion. Another time, they all went to see the King's Singers perform in concert. This choice of choir seemed like a fitting choice for Judith today, as we entered, especially as she enjoyed choral singing herself. Judith always made a fuss of Sarah when she visited. A lovely new book would be found lying on her bed as a welcome gift and she would buy Skips, a special snack Sarah was allowed as a treat during her stays. In later years, when Sarah was 17 and came to the UK on her own for university interviews, Judith and Phil looked after her and made sure she got to the right colleges at the right time. She seemed really pleased when Sarah applied to Oxford University, but was equally supportive when Sarah decided to go off to Durham instead. She came to her graduation ceremony, and this time Sarah enjoyed showing Judith around the Durham colleges. They kept in regular touch during these university years. Sarah found comfort seeking refuge in Judith’s home, in her third year, during a stressful bout of exam revision. Judith was always a good listener and possessed the great gift of giving wise but subtle advice to Sarah when needed. In recent years they enjoyed their phone chats. Judith always showed a great interest in what others were doing and she enjoyed telling her all about what Martin and Hilary and the grandchildren were up to. She was very proud of them all. The last couple of years of Covid undoubtedly had an impact on her, like many others who needed to shield. But family and friends rallied around, keeping in touch as best they could. Everyone who knew Judith remembers that despite her shyness in company, she could be very chatty on a one to one basis. Her family emphasise how interested she was in other people and getting to know about their lives. Indeed she was often more interested in others than herself. They think that she would most like to be remembered as a good wife and stepmother, and steadfast companion to many; a woman who remained curious, interested and engaged throughout life.
We all have our own memories of Judith. Whilst we listen to the following piece of music let us take the time to bring to mind some of your own memories of her. Moments that made you smile or laugh. Moments where you learned something of life from knowing her.
Music for reflection with photos Schubert: Piano Quintet in A Major, D667 by Alban Berg Quartet
Tribute (written by Anne Foley and read by Celebrant)
I’m really sorry that we are not able to attend Judith’s funeral. Here are a few memories of my special friend, Judith. She was a very special and loyal friend for almost 50 years. We first met on the Botany course at Bristol University in the autumn of 1963. Judith had already done teacher training and knew how to set about learning University style. Judith was very conscientious and worked extremely hard to obtain her BSc (Hons) degree in Botany in 1966. Her attention to detail, particularly in the lengthy laboratory practicals, was outstanding and a helpful example to me as I grappled with what was required. She thoroughly deserved her upper second class degree and the chance to stay on to study for a doctorate when I left Bristol. There were then a few years when we were less in contact as I moved around, married Peter and we had two daughters, Rachel and Catherine. During this time Judith undertook further training. Fortunately Judith made contact when she was in the area in the early 1970s and we invited her over. Our friendship was re-ignited and Judith went on to become the close family friend that she remained throughout her life. Judith soon became “Aunty” Judith to the girls and, even though she was away quite a lot with her work, she happily drove up to Derbyshire every now and then to stay with us for a few days. She went with us on many outings to places like Black Rocks, Kedleston Hall and of course Chatsworth House. The children loved her and she was always happy to join in whatever we were doing even when that involved walking some of our local hilly routes. She was also often involved in other events and met several of our more local friends. A photo taken in front of our decorated sitting room window in 1981 shows us all dressed in red, white and blue for the Royal wedding of Prince Charles and Diana. Once she had moved into her own flat and later house, she welcomed us on several occasions for lunch on our way north, after visits to family further south. After Judith’s marriage to Phil in 1989, she stayed with us less but Phil supported her in retaining the connection with us all. They then both continued to join us for family occasions as, for example, our silver wedding in 1992, when Judith kindly made and iced a surprise celebration cake. While we were still all driving, we enjoyed meeting at various halfway venues, usually enjoying a meal together. We particularly remember meeting for lunch in Tewkesbury when Rachel also came to join us for what was termed the “centuries” party. That year three of us were having birthdays that represented a fraction of a century (Phil himself was 75). As we became hampered by restrictions due to age, meeting in person became more difficult. Thanks to Martin, Judith and Phil did, however, travel to Rachel’s wedding in Bristol in 2010. Soon after that long phone calls replaced long lunches as a way of keeping in touch. Judith said that Phil marvelled that Judith and I had so much to talk about! We could never fit it all in! Letters still had a place but gradually email and finally texts became our main way of communication. Covid was hard for everyone but particularly so for those who, like Judith, lived on their own. Texts most days or sometimes several times a day kept us in touch. They also stimulated us with knowledge of the outside world. We often shared news of TV programmes that we thought each other would like to watch and had quite a few favourites in common. These often involved the natural world or interesting families as in “My Yorkshire Farm”. Surprisingly, like Peter but not me, she seemed to enjoy watching International Rugby Union! On a more relaxing note, Judith and I also both enjoyed “Songs of Praise” on the TV and Classic FM on the radio. We are indeed fortunate that Judith was such a close friend to us for so many years and we had many wonderful times together. She was a listening ear during our challenging times and always interested in all the family. She never forgot any birthdays or happy occasions. Particularly poignant was a most apt yet amusing birthday card for Peter, that arrived for him during the last week of her life. She was a much valued, wise and caring friend and will be greatly missed by us all.
Committal and Closing words Rest The memories and love I leave behind are yours to keep. I have found my rest; I have turned my face to the sun And now I sleep.
Exit Music Pachelbel:Canon in D, performed by The Academy of St-Martin-in-the Fields